The sweet-as-sugar guys

The sweet-as-sugar guys

There are various kinds of people in this world and today, I am tempted to write about one type. The type that is the most dangerous.
Well, these people are generally average built, have a calm disposition, always put down their heads and listen to superiors without as much as a word. But within, they curse them with all their might.

Friends, you should be particularly aware that these people can really stab at your back and make your life miserable if they get a single chance. Diplomatic to the core, they know how to appease men in high ranks. But look out for that scratch which you suffered.. still wondering, how it happened? Be assured, it's the work of that same average looking guy who smiled at you and gave a rose!! You saw the rose, you did not see the spike!!

But they have a BIG shortcoming. They think none can understand their true motive. They think they can fool all.

THEY DO NOT KNOW THEY ARE WRONG!!

What women really want?

Hey all you readers out there! Do you have any idea what women really want out of men? What are their expectations? How to convince them that really there is no bad intention? [not considering cases where men have images like Mogambo]
If you really care for them, they would say,"Why are you bothered?"
If you do not care, they would say,"What a haughty guy! What does he think he is!"
If you want friendship, they would think, 'oh! what a flirt!'
If you do not want friendship, they would think, 'am I not worth of a second look?' [expect tears]
You would think she likes you, but if you go up and propose, expect an answer like, "My God... How did you ever think like that? No, please, this is just not happening" or, "The answer is a straight NO" or, "I have told you before as well, why don't you understand?".
If you do not, she would stare at you in such an innocent manner as if you have committed a sin. Afterall, as one famous lady once commented, "The guys should advance first!"
And rejection is a piece of cake! A secret competition is going on...
Sarita: Hey Anu, how many have you rejected?
Anu: [with an air of superiority] 23
Sarita: Oops! then I have some catch up to do, jaan... last week I rejected one, thus my total is 19
Hmm.... and who are the victims? Ask that boy sitting silently in the dark corner of the park. If you notice closely, he might still be thinking what went wrong! What were his mistakes! And if there was a way to rectify! And then he finds out his ex-flame walking hand in hand with her new found crush! Amazing... isn't it? You girls simply rock!!!

PS. Girls who are reading this post might argue, but statistics won't support you. I can quote the author of a book on relationships, who says, most of the time girls are responsible for break-ups, not boys!

How to become a lie detector?

Excerpt from the work of David J. Lieberman...

Signs of Deception

Once you realize that you’re being lied to, should you confront the liar immediately? Usually not. The best approach is to note the fact in your mind and continue with the conversation, trying to extract more information.
Once you confront someone who has lied to you, the tone of the conversation changes and gathering additional facts becomes difficult. Therefore, wait until you have all the evidence you want and then decide whether to confront the person at that time or hold off to figure how you can best use this insight to your advantage.

Section 1: Body Language

• The person will make little or no eye contact. A person who is lying to you will do everything to avoid making eye contact.
• Physical expression will be limited, with few arm and hand movements. What arm and hand
movements are present will seem stiff, and mechanical. Hands, arm and legs pull in toward the body; the individual takes up less space.
• His hand(s) may go up to his face or throat, especially to the mouth. But contact with his body is limited to these areas. He is also unlikely to touch his chest with an open hand gesture. He may also touch the nose or scratch behind the ear.
• If he is trying to appear casual and relaxed about his answer, he may shrug a little.

Section 2: Emotional States: Consistency and Contradiction

• The timing is off between gestures and words. If the facial expression comes after the verbal
statement ("I am so angry with you right now" … pause … and then the angry expression), it
looks false.
• The head moves in a mechanical fashion without regard to emphasis, indicating a conscious
movement.
• Gestures don’t match the verbal message, such as frowning when saying "I love you." Hands
tightly clenched and a statement of pleasure are not in sync with each other.
• The timing and duration of emotional gestures will seem off. The emotion is delayed coming on, stays longer than it should, and fades out abruptly.
• Expression will be limited to the mouth area when the person is feigning certain emotions –
happiness, surprise, awe, and so on – rather than the whole face.

Section 3: Interpersonal Interactions – When we are wrongfully accused, only a guilty person gets defensive. Someone who is innocent will usually go on the offensive.

• He is reluctant to face his accuser and may turn his head or shift his body away.
• The person who is lying will probably slouch; he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or
outstretched.
• There’s movement away from his accuser, possibly in the direction of the exit.
• There will be little or no physical contact during his attempt to convince you.
• He will not point his finger at the person he is trying to convince.
• He may place physical objects (pillow, drinking glass, et cetera) between himself and his accuser to form a barrier, with a verbal equivalent of "I don’t want to talk about it," indicating
deception or covert intention.

Section 4: What Is Said: Actual Verbal Content

• He will use your words to make his point. When asked, "Did you cheat on me?" The liar answers, "No, I didn’t cheat on you." In addition, when a suspect uses a contraction – "It wasn’t me" instead of "It was not me" – statistically, there is a 60% chance he is truthful.
• He may stonewall, giving an impression that his mind is made up. This is often an attempt to
limit your challenges to his position. If someone says right up front that he positively won’t budge, it means one thing: He knows he can be swayed. He needs to tell you this so you won’t ask, because he knows he’ll cave in. The confident person will use phrases like "I’m sorry, this is pretty much the best we can do."
• Watch out for the good old Freudian slip.
• He depersonalizes his answer by offering his belief on the subject instead of answering directly. A liar offers abstract assurances as evidence of his innocence in a specific instance.
Example: "Did you ever cheat on me?" and you hear, "You know I’m against that sort of
thing. I think it morally reprehensible."
• He will keep adding more information until he’s sure that he has sold you on his story. The
guilty are uncomfortable with silence. He speaks to fill the gap left by the silence.
• He may imply an answer but never state it directly.

Section 5: How Something Is Said

• Deceitful response to questions regarding beliefs and attitudes take longer to think up. However, how fast does the rest of the sentence follow the initial one-word response? In truthful statements a fast no or yes is followed quickly by an explanation. If the person is being deceitful the rest of the sentence may come more slowly because he needs time to think up an explanation.
• Watch out for reactions that are all out of proportion to the question. May repeat points that
he has already made. May also be reluctant to use words that convey attachment and ownership or possessiveness ("that car" as opposed to "my car").
• The person who is lying may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous and inexpressive
voice. When a person is making a truthful statement, he emphasizes the pronoun as much as
or more than the rest of the sentence.
• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.
• Statements sound an awful lot like questions, indicating that he’s seeking reassurance. Voice,
head and eyes lift at the end of their statement.

Section 6: Psychological Profile

• We often see the world as a reflection of ourselves. If you’re being accused of something, check your accuser’s veracity. Watch out for those people who are always telling you just how corrupt the rest of the world is. Beware of those asking you if you believe him. They may respond with, "you don’t believe me, do you?" Most people who tell the truth expect to be believed.
• Look at whether his focus is internal or external. When a person is confident about what he’s
saying, he’s more interested in your understanding him and less interested in how he appears
to you.
• In a liar’s story, he will usually not give the point of view of a third party. To illustrate giving
a point of view of someone else, "My roommate was so shocked that I would…"
• In relating a story, a liar often leaves out the negative aspects (unless the story is used to
explain way he was delayed or had to cancel plans). The story of a vacation, for example,
should have both positive and negative aspects of what happened.
• A liar willingly answers your questions but asks none of his own. For example, during their
first intimate encounter, Randy asks his new girlfriend if she’s ever been tested for AIDS.
She responds with "Oh, yes, certainly," and continues on a bit about annual checkups, giving
blood, etc. And then nothing! If she was concerned about her health, as her answer implied, then she would have asked him the same question. The liar is often unaware that coming across as truthful means both answering and asking questions.

Section 7: General Indications of Deceit

• When the subject is changed, he’s in a better, more relaxed mood. The guilty wants the subject changed; the innocent always wants a further exchange of information.
• He does not become indignant when falsely accused. While he is being accused the liar will remain fairly expressionless. The liar is more concerned with how he is going to respond than
he is with the accusation itself.
• He uses such phrases as "To tell you the truth," "To be perfectly honest," and "Why would I lie to you?"
• He has an answer to your question down pat, such as giving precise detail to an event occurring two months ago.
• He stalls by asking you to repeat the question or by answering your question with a question.
"Where did you hear that?" "Could you be more specific?" or even repeating your question
back to you, at an attempt at sounding incredulous. For example, "Did I sell you a puppy with a heart condition? Is that what you’re asking me?"
• What he’s saying sounds implausible, such as "During the past ten years, I have never used a
specific racial epithet."
• He offers a preamble to his statement starting with "I don’t want you to think that…" Often
that’s exactly what he wants you to think. Whenever someone makes a point of telling you what they’re not doing, you can be sure it’s exactly what they are doing. Such as, "Not to hurt your feelings, but…"
• He implies through a form of denial. You hear, "He’s having marital problems, but it has nothing to do with his wife’s new job." What’s the first thing you ask? "What does his wife do?" Suddenly you’re in the exact conversation that is "supposed" to have no bearing on the facts.
• He uses humor or sarcasm to defuse your concerns, rather than responding seriously.
• He offers you a "better" alternative to your request when he is unable to give you what you
originally asked for. Before you accept someone at his word that he has something better to
offer, first see whether he has what you originally asked for. If he doesn’t, then you shouldn’t
believe him.
• All of his facts relating to numbers are the same or multiples of one another. Watch out when
facts, figures, and information have unusual similarities.
• There is evidence of involuntary responses that are anxiety based. Anxiety causes many things. His breather may appear as a deep, audible inhaling in an attempt to control his breathing to calm himself. Swallowing becomes difficult; he may clear his throat. His ability to focus on something is often diminished, unable to pay attention to what’s going on.
• He uses an obvious fact to support a dubious action. For example, let’s say that a guard is
standing watch over a restricted area. It’s his job to check ID’s of those who enter. "I’m not sure you have authorization," he says to a man attempting access. "I’m not surprised," answered the man, "only a few people are aware of my clearance level. My work here is not supposed to be known by everyone."
• He casually tells you something that deserves more attention.
• He exclaims his displeasure at the actions of another who has done something similar so that
you will not suspect him. For instance, if he is trying to throw you off track of his embezzlement scheme, he may openly chastise another employee for "borrowing" some office supplies for personal use at home. Your impression is that he is moral person who objects to something as minor as stealing office supplies. Certainly he cannot be responsible for a large-scale embezzlement scheme.
• He may casually tell you something that should deserve more attention. "Oh by the way, I’ve
got to go out of town next weekend on business." If he doesn’t usually travel for work on the
weekends, then you would expect her to make a point of how unusual the trip is. Her downplaying the trip makes it suspicious. When something out of the ordinary happens and
the person doesn’t draw attention to it, it means that he is trying to draw attention away from
it. Another tactic is running off a long list of items in the hope that one will remain unnoticed.
• If he lies about one thing, everything he says is questionable.
• His story is so wild that you almost don’t believe it. But you do, because if he wanted to lie, you think that he would have come up with something more plausible.

Source:

Fact: How To Get The Truth Out of Anyone!
Compiled By: John J. Webster
Never Be Lied To Again
By David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.
St. Martin’s Press, New York 1998
DD: 158.2
ISBN: 0-312-18634-7

7 Signs your honey may cheat ! (By Gilda Carle, Ph.D.)

This article was forwarded to me by Abhijit Ghosh and is authored by Gilda Carle. This is an exceptional article no doubt !


7 signs your honey may cheat

By Gilda Carle, Ph.D. Most of us — even the not-so-jealous types — know that feeling of, "Is my sweetheart really working late… or could this person be two-timing me?" I've counseled many individuals dealing with this concern, so let me share my knowledge with you about the signs that someone is cheating (or seriously contemplating it). Use this information and insight—and either stop worrying or have a serious talk with your partner!

Sign #1: Your sweetie keeps you a secret from his/her family & friends
Cheaters keep you in the dark while they play in the light. Your relationship won't work if you're getting what I call the Shadow Treatment. The Shadow Treatment means that you are often kept waiting in the wings while your mate is out socializing. Think about it: Are there gatherings of friends, family reunions or workplace parties that you are not invited to? Do you only meet some of your honey's network of friends? If you are kept on the sidelines, there's probably a good reason. Maybe your sweetie is on the prowl for someone else. Or perhaps there is already someone else and so your role in his or her life can't be made public. Anytime you are kept on the fringes once you believe you are an exclusive couple, be suspicious. And know that the only way to end Shadow Treatment is to stop accepting it. Once you challenge it, you will either be fully accepted in your sweetheart's life… or know it's time to leave.

Sign #2: Your sweetie is emotionally absent
Cheaters conceal their emotional whereabouts so they can be evasive about their physical whereabouts. Love is exhausting when you have to pry the truth out of a partner.

Consider this story: After enjoying a platonic friendship for a decade, Margaret and Roy began dating. Roy was a traveling sales manager. While he was on the road, Margaret heard from him only occasionally. But he continued to say he wanted to spend more time with her—which he never did. Margaret was obviously a low priority for him. She was shocked to learn he had another girlfriend across the country.

An emotionally absent partner may say what you want to hear, but will not change his or her actions—unless he or she wants to. Saying the right thing and doing the right thing are very different. If your honey talks a good game about spending more time with you and paying more attention to you but never delivers—look out! This person may be juggling multiple relationships.

Sign #3: Your sweetie says he or she wants a no-strings-attached romance
If someone says, "I don't want a commitment," take the sucker at his or her word. Don't fall into that "I'll be the one to change all that!" trap. Cheaters rebel against control and might even have an affair to spite a partner who wants to rein him or her in.

Too often, people ignore the clear message a potential date sends. If someone tells you, "I'm not into serious relationships," "I won't give up my freedom," "I'm not ready to settle down," or anything resembling that, take a giant step back! He or she is clearly telling you, "I want to play the field." If you pursue the person anyway, hoping for an exclusive relationship, you may find yourself two-timed and broken-hearted. Never push a person into a situation he or she doesn't want to be in. Never pursue a committed relationship with someone who tells you he or she doesn't want one.

Sign # 4: Your sweetie admits to cheating on exes—and justifies the betrayals
Cheaters rationalize their behavior to let themselves off the hook. The way they justify their actions tells much about their character.

Listen to the excuses for past cheating your sweetie uses. Here are a couple I've heard from clients in my therapy practice over the years:

• "My ex was abusive because of a drinking problem, so I deserved to see someone kinder on the side."
  
• "My father cheated on my mom, so cheating on my girlfriend is how I'm working through my past."

Everyone has a tale to tell. But are these rationalizations — or any rationalizations — acceptable to you? A person who admits to infidelities in the past and explains them away has a good chance of straying again. He or she has not taken responsibility for past actions, nor worked through the issues involved.

Sign #5: Your sweetie has never been without a mate
Cheaters won't ride solo... ever! Leaving one romance and hopping into a new one — or having simultaneous affairs at once — doesn't leave time for assessing whatever went wrong. They don't bother with introspection; their focus is squarely set on pulling new people into their orbit. If you are dating a person who shares a romantic history that always involves finding a new partner before breaking up with the current partner, take heed. This person may think of his or her mate only as void-fillers. Filling a void is never a basis for lasting love.

Sign #6: Your sweetie tells lies about little things
Cheaters lie about everything, which leads you to question their truth from their fiction. When the need to embroider overshadows the desire to be honest, the relationship becomes a sham.

Craig's friend set him up on a blind date with divorcée, Alice, who was a top attorney in town with no children. Each time they were together, Alice described her interesting caseload. Craig was fascinated—and falling hard. He was so caught up in her charismatic personality that he chose not to focus on the fact that some of her stories contradicted themselves, and that Alice seemed to change certain details as she got further into her story sharing. One day, the local newspaper featured someone who had been indicted for impersonating an attorney. He was shocked to find that it was Alice, and that she was a wife and mother as well! Alice had lied to both Craig and his friend.

If you are dating someone who seems to be untruthful about mundane topics — where he or she had lunch, what he or she is doing on Sunday morning — take note. The lies probably run deep. As my Gilda-Gram warns, "Without truth, there is no love."

Sign # 7: Your sweetie brags about his or her sex appeal
Cheaters are insecure, and need to attract constant attention on the side. They flaunt their popularity in attempts to boost their own low self-esteem. Let me give you an example: Marilyn met a "hot guy" on a singles cruise, and the pair became inseparable for the week. When they returned home, they spoke to each other constantly. He sent her a plane ticket to visit him. While together, Hot Guy boasted that he was his town's "go-to" guy for all the lonely women. Instead of Marilyn reading that as a sign to stay away, she interpreted his description of himself as "cute."

Visiting her two weeks later, he said he was available throughout the week—except for a lunch date he had with a woman he had just met. Marilyn found that peculiar, but said nothing. After a dinner party, he detailed how many women had come on to him. Marilyn began feeling disrespected and put down. Finally, after crying herself to sleep, she told Hot Guy he was too hot for her.

If a partner boasts how in demand he or she is, recognize how insecure he or she really is—and steer clear. This person probably needs more ego-stroking than any one person can provide... and will look where he or she has to in order to find it.

So now you know the signs that indicate that maybe your sweetie isn't such a sweetie after all. Life and love are all about learning. Remember this Gilda-Gram: "Everyone who touches you, teaches you." Instead of getting bummed out about a cheater who stole your heart, think of what you learned, and how your experience got you to grow. Your new insight will arm you to attract someone more trustworthy in the future.

Relationship expert Dr. Gilda (www.DrGilda.com) has a private practice, is a motivational speaker, and is associate professor of business, psychology, and communications at New York's Mercy College. She is also the founder of the video blog, GildaVision, on her web site. Her best-selling books include Don't Bet on the Prince! How to Have the Man You Want by Betting On Yourself and He's Not All That! How to Attract the Good Guys.