Quote: "I am a guy, that's why they did not like me..."

Hello World!

Long time truly!

I took a hiatus from blogging in between. You know - work and stuff.

But anyway, 2:39AM IST now and I have been thinking of posting something.

Let me narrate an incident from this evening today.

While returning, I saw an auto rickshaw standing by, with a queue of people there, but curiously no one was ready to board the auto.

I was in a hurry and decided to avail it without looking at who were my co-passengers. The moment I sat inside, I was greeted by my co-passenger.

Co-passenger1: "Ei je dada, apni to sundor uthe boslen.. aar oi dekhun oi lok gulo keu uthlo na! ki hoto bolun to uthle?"
Translated: "Hey brother, see how well you sat beside me and those guys standing in queue.. they were not ready to sit beside me.. come on! what could I have done?"

[The fact was - this guy was drunk - completely, hopelessly drunk. I could smell him no matter how I wished I would not. This guy was apparently very happy with me. In his report card, I had got letter marks already, simply because I chose to sit beside him. 
Drunk folks identify only two kinds of people - the "my dear" ones, their favourites and the ones they bitterly hate and would kill if given a chance. Anyway, he continued blabbering...]

Co-passenger1: "Ei jodi kono meye bosto, bindaas uthe bosto pashe... chhele to ami! pochhondo holo na..."
Translated: "If I was a girl, anyone there in the queue would have jumped into this seat. I am a guy, that's why they did not like me."

[Meanwhile co-passenger 2 speaks up from the front seat, equally drunk.]

Co-passenger2: "Ki re... meye ra to aageo bosto na, ekhon chhelerao boschhe na... tor ki hobe re?"
Translated: "Hey buddy! Earlier women would avoid you, now even men are avoiding! What will happen to you?"

[I heard a snoring sound and figured out that there was another one sitting on the opposite side, probably the worst affected by the ordeal, snoring already.]

Co-passenger1: "Ki re lalu! Oth oth, ese gelo je!"
Translated: "Hey Lalu! Get up buddy, we have almost reached."

[We did reach soon and Lalu had a tough time maintaining his balance and keeping his shoes intact in his feet. I glanced casually and got going.]

Same here ;-)

We use "Same here" every day - spares us the agony of repeating the other person's mannerisms or words all over again. We preserve our energy. Its almost like using a pronoun instead of a noun.

View this: Mohan had to go to Mohan's friend Sohan's birthday for which Mohan decided to buy Mohan's friend Sohan a beautiful umbrella!! [err... umbrella because I could not think of a better gift... brain jam, you know]. Anyone who has been to elementary English classes would know that use of pronouns would improve this sentence.

Now, view this: The use of "same here" or "same pinch" or "same to you" goes on similar lines. We wish someone Happy New Year and he/she replies... "Same to you". Yeah, right, it would have taken much more energy to say.. "Wish you too a lovely new year ahead" :-)

So, energy conservation is the order of the day. Personally I never liked "Same pinch". Oh come on why the hell would you want to pinch me only because I tried to wear a colorful shirt today and as luck would have it, you happened to wear the same color!! Then there would be a "New pinch"... why coz. I had made the mistake of wearing a new shirt as the old shirt was stinking already. I mean - Do you want me to stink even more by continuing with the same damned faded old shirt? :-D And not to mention -- "Ooh it hurts!" During the school days, people used to look for opportunities for "Same pinch" and "New pinch". If the opportunity was to pinch the guy who had complained about me to the teacher a week back, NOTHING LIKE IT!!! :-P :-P :-D

[don't think I did it... :-P :-D]

Now, back to the topic "Same here"... imagine the following conversation between two people...

A: How are you?

B: Good and you?

A: Same here.

B: You know something, I watched the movie "Gili gili foo" yesterday and absolutely loved it.

A: Same here. Lets go to the nearest coffee joint and sit and discuss. Need some coffee... had a hectic day today.

B: Yeah... same here.

A: Arreh I did not notice you are wearing the kurta I gave you on your last birthday!! New pinch!! **pinches B hard**

B (almost numb with the pain inflicted by now): Ahh.. yeah.. hmm.. ok..

Now... why do we need a same here, here? We could replace Same here with say, alpha. Only Oxford dictionary would need to define Alpha as :

Alpha(n/v): Implies 'same here'. When a person notices his emotional state or dress or belonging is same as the person to whom he or she is speaking. So, the same conversation would now look like:

A: How are you?

B: Good and you?

A: Alpha.

B: You know something, I watched the movie "Gili gili foo" yesterday and absolutely loved it.

A: Alpha. Lets go to the nearest coffee joint and sit and discuss. Need some coffee... had a hectic day today.

B: Yeah... Alpha.

A: Arreh I did not notice you are wearing the kurta I gave you on your last birthday!! New pinch!! **pinches B hard**

B (almost numb with the pain inflicted by now): Ahh.. yeah.. hmm.. ok..

However, in the good old days of 20th Century, when "same here" had not been invented (in all probability), the conversation would have gone in the following manner:

A: How are you, B?

B: I am doing good. How about you?

A: Yeah, I am doing all right too.

B: You know something, I watched the movie "Gili gili foo" yesterday and absolutely loved it.

A: Yes, "Gili gili foo" has a wonderful story. The acting and direction were simply top class. Lets go to the nearest coffee joint and sit and discuss. I badly need some coffee... had a hectic day today.

B: Yeah... it is terrible these days. The work pressure gets onto you and often, you find it difficult to handle.

A: Oh I had not noticed before. That's a new Kurta that you are wearing tonight. And how lovely! Is it not the one I had gifted you on your last birthday?

B: (with a mild smile) Yes, it is..

PS. The movie "Gili gili foo" does not have anything to do with Adam Gilchrist's retirement from Australian International Cricket! :-D

PPS. Let me tell you a secret. Someone once wished me "Happy Birthday" and I replied "Same to you" in the flow, although it was not his birthday that day! :-)

Note: If you thought this was an entirely useless post, well, you are not alone, I too think on similar lines. In fact, "Same here". :-D

Strawberry - come a little closer

The last few days were terrible. I can bet there were a very few people who were busier than what I was. What with all those trainings and seminars and preparations for a fun-league in office and of course the most important of all: work!

So, an amalgamation of all of these conspired ferociously to keep me out of the Blogosphere and nearly succeeded - only if the weekend had not been round the corner! :)

And therefore, I wish to make amends for all those posts which were never really written, but had been thought about, in those spare moments - which were so hard to get!

By now, you are confused, right? What with the picture of a ....? of a ...? yes, STRAWBERRY!!!

No, I am not a chef - nor do I intend to become one, until and unless I am really compelled to! This is not even a post intended to tell you about some delicious recipe or to let you know how strawberry is really beneficial (or otherwise) for our health! Rather this post is linked to the 'league' (remember, I mentioned it at the start? - 'fun-league in office').

So, in that league - there was the first round held yesterday! And it had dumb charades and pictionary events! Dumb charades went 'okay'. There were two guessers from each team and one enacted. My team did not do too well, but nevertheless we managed to get 2 out of 5 correct. [I wasn't playing in that round by the way]. Now, in the pictionary event, there was one sketcher and two guessers from each team. In our team, I was the sketcher and had to pick up a chit. Guess what! My chit contained 'STRAWBERRY'! Believe it or not, this is one fruit I am not very well accustomed to. I have had flavours of it on numerous occasions - be it chocolates or ice-creams, but never really, I felt the urge to know this fruit better! As a result of which I could not figure out how to draw it! :(

As I was left stranded thinking on the stage in front of that huge canvas with my team members waiting with a bated breath (and my opponents wishing for the worst), I suddenly remembered a faint snap where Penelope Cruz was biting into a strawberry with her eyes suggesting a thousand words! [This fruit denotes passion, for sure!] Now, I remembered the color and the texture! What about the shape! Was it oval or slightly conical or heart shaped - I could not figure! The time was running away - we had only one minute to complete this! I drew. No colors were allowed, so the color 'red' (so characteristic of the fruit) could not be depicted! And the guesses ranged from coconut to wafers to biscuits to grapes! Even when a chocolate was drawn beside it, people remembered chocolate [but not the 'strawberry' flavoured ones! :( ]. Finally the time was up and we had managed to score a big zero!

I was disappointed. I came back to my desk after the event and googled out the images of strawberry to see where I exactly lacked. *sigh*

One thing for sure: I am not forgetting strawberries for the rest of my life!

Image courtesy: http://www.saynotocrack.com/

So near, yet so far!

I saw you the other day. You were flashing a billion dollar smile, that made my heart melt instantly. Oh, you are so beautiful, sweetheart. I can stare at you without my eyes straining, for hours. The mesmerising smile, the beautiful lips, the curves, everything is so enticing, so inviting.
Alas! You are so far away!
Pity! The people who have made you stand there have no mercy on you!
You are there at the same place, every day, every hour, every minute, every moment.... staring at me with the same kind of intensity, the same kind of ardent devotion.
A silent prayer in your lips... "Please take me away from here, I am so tired, I want to sleep, I want to rest, those spotlights tire my eyes, I want the cosy corner of the bedroom, not the expansion of the blue sky above, not the drizzle and thunder that I encounter with, occasionally"
I say: Yes, my dear, I understand... I am not inhuman...
But... there is a big 'but' in here...

How can I reach you? You are so far away? So big on me? The nearer I get to you, the bigger you seem to me... Because, sweetheart, you are destined to be like that... Because, you are only a billboard!

Yummy!

I have made a pretty bad reputation for myself! Yeah it's true. It haunts me wherever I go, whatever I do. I cannot sleep at night. I cannot relax. I cannot be at peace with myself. The reason is:

I HAVE STARTED EATING TOO MUCH!

And to make matters worse, the input output ratio is not balanced as well. So you can imagine! Don't worry, people around me are safe and can breathe freely as of now. But I haven't seen the future and neither have they.

Anyways, I tell myself, "Hey man, its your stomach, your mouth, your spoon, your plate, your rice, your chicken, everything is yours! Then why inhibitions? After all 'sab papi pet ke liye hi hai naa'!" But there are morons, thin as a stick, who keep on budging me and irritating me with all sort of comments! They have no appetite and they feel, none should have! They walk around in the office, in the park, on the highway... two dimensional figures... am bored of them, SERIOUSLY!

If Mr Amir Khan can eat 15 egg whites every day to sculpt a physique that make women swoon over him, what's wrong with me?

Forget it, it's lunch time and I am already feeling it.... yummy!!!

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Image source: http://www.salomon-online.com

The extraordinary conference

Bingo!

Got an idea! Hey all you guys and gals out there, I have got an absolutely hot idea here.

Tell me how many of you are heart broken. There are many, right? So why don't all of us team up together and see if we can get something viable out of it. A conference where each speaker would be given appropriate chance to spit out his or her thoughts (or stories) and there would be others to listen. There would be separate rooms for unloading your tears and proper drainage mechanisms in place so that the area does not get flooded. There would be stalls providing various varieties of adhesives (mild, strong, quick fix) which would be used to mend the broken hearts. In case adhesives do not work, you can always go for welding, that way the fix would be better. There would be a cafeteria where you can relax after a gloomy day out. The theme music would consist of lots of soulful and sad numbers from Rafi and others who have made a mark in this specialised domain. In case a pair is formed from among the visitors, immediately they would be rusticated and would need to leave the conference. Presently I am looking for a good Guru to spark all of it off! Refer some one's name if you think he / she is capable of handling such a gigantic event! If all else fails, I would nominate people as per my own judgements.

So all you brokes (strictly by heart) out there! ENjoY! It's time to rock and roll!

Let the party begin!!!

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PS. This idea is an extended and fun version of this.

Hush hush

Do you use a chat client in your office? Yes, I mean for official communications? I hope many of you do, right? Now, have you thought how much of it is really productive?
Let me tell you a story. There were two individuals - X and Y. X is female and Y is male. Suddenly it became evident to us all that there was something cooking among the two. Both are colleagues. So I thought, let me sort this out! So I decided to talk to them and X, out of sheer shyness, denied the allegations. In given circumstances, Y also backtracked. The case, I thought, was closed. But, somehow my highly intelligent brain (next only to err... Holmes) could not digest it!

So I decided to keep a watch on both of them. No communication whatsoever! Whatever little, was purely official! So I thought, well well... may be... may be not...
And then what I found out was:
Every day, from dawn to dusk these people would chat on the chat client although they sat next to each other! Can you believe it? Somehow they feel we are all idiots and nothing would be evident!

Now this is what they would typically call "Love for technology" and I would call "Technology for love" ! LOL


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Image source: http://www.eycbrant.ca

My new year resolutions

Hey... so, finally we are in 2009!

The new year has arrived and guess what! For the first time in my history of existence, I have decided to go for New Year Resolutions.

And here are they:

1. Promise everyone with a small 'conditions apply' tag.
2. Stay away from girls and dogs. Both bite and bite hard! It hurts! oooh!
3. Laugh often and never cry.
4. Make friendships only with boys (in a strictly non-pervert and innocent sense, NOT what you think, you *****!)
5. Feign to be intelligent.
6. Whenever in trouble, speak the truth.
7. Whenever not in trouble, also speak the truth. Oh! both sound so similar, isn't it?
8. Research on how to increase the limits of blogger, so that I may never have to switch to another account and am able to write 90 years of blah blah blah.
9. Make money out of everything! Am short of cash! Seriously!
   

Aaahhh... so hopefully that's it and all!

PS. All in a strictly humorous sense!

Image source: http://www.cyarena.com/

Where is god?

Hmm... 2009 is few hours away...

2008 is gonna go...

And I have decided to end this year on a humorous note. Hence, here is a small joke concerning two boys. It was forwarded to me by my dear friends... So here we go:

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were extremely mischievous. They always got into trouble and their parents knew all about it. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys' mother had heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning and the elder boy was set to meet the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, made the younger boy sit down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time."
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"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Source: Unknown

Nothing

Do not read this post
It has got nothing, friends. Today, I am damn bored, that's why I am writing this and the mere fact that I am writing this implies that I have nothing to do. Still, since I am writing something, I am doing something, not nothing, isn't it? Even for this crap, I need to think hard, think how not to bore you. Ask yourself, are you bored? I am sure you are not! And all of these in spite of the fact that this post has got nothing in it and in spite of me telling you not to read it, but now that you are already halfway through, why don't you go till the end? I promise, it would be as enjoyable as it can get! And tell me, how many times have you thought like this? How many times have you written a post on something that turned out to be nothing? So I decided to do something out of the box, hoped that this nothing would turn out to be something! And I would be able to entertain you! I am sure, by now, you have a mixed feeling of being happy, bored, disgusted or excited! And really, do tell me how did you feel after reading the whole of it. I always feel excited about receiving feedback and I am trying my level best to get the very best of feedback.
LOL :D

What a fart!

Ohhh, its that time of my health again, when I just feel like... aahhh.. relieving myself, but the problem is people never take it too kindly! I remember taking tuition from a Mathematics teacher in Class 9 who had one of his awkward days, which made us concentrate more on vapours than theorems... the problem was how to make a straight face when you know you are dying to laugh your hearts out and he, being a very serious man would never entertain that! Finally we could have a bit of oxygen when he declared, "Please do these problems. Let me complete some work, which I suddenly remember now and I would come back!" We felt like... "hmm... yeah yeah... please... thank you so much".

Now my question is, why are people generally so hush hush about this natural phenomena? Is it only because of the odour associated? Or because of the sound? In most cultures, it is considered "BAD MANNERS". But why? After all we are only leaving out the vapours! Anyways, let me take up the classification of various kind of farts:

The two parameters are VOLUME and ODOUR! So we have four combinations out of these two:

1) Low volume, low odour: The safest bet! Go on all of you! None will notice! Guaranteed pleasure!

2) Low volume, high odour: This is safe only when you are able to strike and leave immediately Its like an air raid. Just drop the bomb and leave. If you stay put, you are in for big time trouble!

3) High volume, low odour: Problem! Do not do it! If at all you need to, please move to the washroom and relieve yourself!

4) High volume, high odour: A strict NO NO! If you feel this would be your output, please leave the place, go to the garden, hum some nice old Hindi song and relieve yourself! And come back only when you feel you are done!

The most common among these four are:

• Low volume, high odour &


• High volume, low odour

Next time, you feel like... you know what... I am sure your output would fall into one of these classifications.

Its the same with all. Take the celebrities: Hrithik, Shahrukh, Sachin, Dada, Dhoni, Lalu... they all do it! But the media has not been able to take up their sounds as yet! Lets hope some day, we would be able to hear something about them... a loud POOOOOOO...

Recently the films have started using the hilarious power of fart to good effect. Did you see Harry Puttar? If not, go and watch it once, its hilariously farty!!!

But somehow, farts have not been utilized well uptill now. Let us see where all could the vapours be utilized more efficiently:

1) As an alternative to LPG, though it would require large scale storage to be of any good use.

2) Handy lighters

3) It could help reduce the usage of bullets in gun battle. A combination of Himesh Reshammiya's songs and foul farty smell could work like AK47 when put to good use against criminals!

4) Drive away a thug. Next time someone places a knife on your back, politely ask him, "Can I fart?" and then provide him with a stinking output.. Success guaranteed!

So next time, you feel like doing it, just do it! Just keep the code of conduct in your mind and always store excess for emergencies!

Wish all of you "Happy Farting"!!!

PS: No offence intended. This post is only intended to give a "Bajate raho" award to those who do not care about the place and occasion and decide to relieve themselves. It would also serve as a guide to those who need it most!

Image source: http://www.porcelainpoetry.faketrix.com

Time for some humour

Game over

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER"



Spelling mistake

What a single spelling mistake can do?
Husband went to GOA on tour and sent an SMS to his wife:


"HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME, WISH YOU WERE HER" :):):)



Wake up son

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son
and woke him up.
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to
school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the
teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to
go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to
school?"
MOM :
One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.



Phone scandal

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that
she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass
across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.

After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was
a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad
on the mobile.

Women!!

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing
him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she
slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of
the commotion was.

The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he
called.

Junior said

"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try
Again Later"...



Bring on the cat!

A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by
prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think. After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey. It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought. Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time. Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole.

Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked:


"Now, bring on your cat!"

Much ado about "nothing"

You know, friends, I thought about updating this blog of mine... thought about writing something new... fresh... enthralling... but there is nothing substantial worth writing about. Then I thought lets elaborate this 'nothing'. Is it a thing? No... it's nothing. But what is this nothing? It is merely the absence of anything. But when we say, absence of anything, that absence also needs to exist. But it's again equal to nothing. And you know, there are other implications of nothing as well. For example, when you know you have messed up something in your relationship with your girl find, and you ask her, "Why dear, any problems? Any mistakes from my end?" I bet, the answer you would hear is "Nothing" and rest assured, there is definitely something about it. So "Nothing" varies depending upon the context in which it is used. It could mean everything, something and even nothing.

And believe me, this piece of bullshit that I've written down out of sheer laziness or craziness, amounts to nothing, and still some of you might say, it means something.

Longest words in the English language

The list in ascending order:

9. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - "Wonderful" (34 letters)

Pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism - "False opposition to the withdrawl of State support from a church" or "Extreme opposition to the withdrawl of State supported church" (34 letters)

8. Hepaticocholangiocholecystentersotomies - "Gall Bladder surgery" (39 letters)

7. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis - "A lung disease" (45 letters)

6. Asseocarnisanguineoviscericartilaginonervomedullary - "Structure of the human body" (51 letters)

5. Aequeosalinocalcalinosetaceoaluminosocupreovitriolic - "Spa waters at Bath, England" (52 letters)

4. Aopadotenachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrinhipotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechymenokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektrionoptekephalliokigklopeleiolagoiosiraiovaphetraganopterygon - "The name of a 17 ingrediant Greek dish" (182 letters)

3. Ornicopytheobiblopsychocrystarroscioaerogenethliometeoroaustrohieroanthropoicichthyopyrosiderochpnomyoalectryoophiobotanopegohydrorhabdocrithoaleuroalphitohalomolybdoclerobeloaxinocoscinodactyliogeolithopessopscphocatoptrotephraoeirochiroomychodactyloarithstichooxogeloscogastrogyrocerobletonooenoscapulinaniac- "A deluded human who practices divination or forecasting" (310 letters)

2. Acetylseryltyrosylserylisoleucylthreonylserylprolylserylglutaminylphenylalanylvalylphenylalnelleucylserylserylvalyotriptophylalanylaspartylprolylisoleucylglutamylleucyllencyllasparaginylvalylcysteinythreonylserylserylleucylglycllasparatinylglutaminylphenylalanylglutaminylthreonylglutaminylglutaninylalanylarginylthrseonylthreonylglutaminylvalylglutaminyglutaninylphenylalanylserylghlutaminylvalyltryptophyllysylrolylphenylalaylprolyglutaminylserylthreonylvalylarginylphunylalanylprolylglycylaspartylvalyltyrosyllsvslvalyltyrosylargiyltyosvlasparaginylalanylvalylleusylaspartylprolylleucylisoleucylthreonylalnylleucylleucylglycyltreonylphnylalanylaspartylthreonylarginlasparaginylarginylisoleucylislleucylglutammylvalylglutamylasparaginylglutaminylglutaminylsurylprolylthreonylthreonylalanyoglutamylthreonylleucylaspartylalanylthreonylarginylarginylvalylaspartylaspartylalanylthreonylvalylalanylisoleucylarginylserylalanylasparaginylisoleucylasparaginylleucylvallasparaginylglutamylleucylvalylarginylglycylthreonylglycylleucyltyrosylasparaginylglutaminylasparaginylthreonylphenylalanylglutamylserylmethionylserylglycylleucylvalyltryptophylthreonylserylalanylprolylalanylserine- "The scientific name for the Tobacco Mosaic Virus" (1 185 letters)

1. MethionylglutaminylarginytyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanylalanylglutaminylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalanylphenylalanyvalylprolylphenylalanylvalythreonylleucylglycylaspartylprolyglycylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylserylleucyllysylisoleucylaspartylthreonylleucylisoleucylglutamylalanylglycylalanylaspartylalanylleucylglutamylleucylglycylglycylisoleucylprolylphenylalanylserylaspartylprolylleucelalanylaspartyglycylprolythreonylisoleucylglutamiylasparaginylalanylthreonylleucylarginylalanylphenylalanylalanylglycylvalyltheonylprolylalanylglutaminylcysteinylphenylalanygllutamylmethionylleucyalanylleucylisoleucylarginylglutaminyllysylhistidylprolylthreonylisoleucylpriIylisoleucylglycylleucylleucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalyphenylalanylasparaginyllysylgyycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylphenylalanyltyrosylalanylgutaminyllcysteinylglutamyllysylvalylglycylavlylaspartylserylvalylleucylvalylalanylaspartylvalyprolylvalylglutaminylglutamyllserylalanyprolyphenylalanylarginylglutaminylalanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvaylalanylprolylisoleucylphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylprolylaspartylalanylaspartylaspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginyglutaminylisoleucylalanyylseryltyrosylglycylarginylglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylserylarginylalanylglycylvalythreonylglycylalanylglutamylasparaginylarginylanylalanylleucylprolylleucylaspaaginylhistidylleucylvaylalanyllysylleucyllysylglutamyltyrosylasaraginylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylalanylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanylalanyglycylalanylalanyglycylalanylisoleucylserylglycyserylalanylisoleucylbalyllsylisoleucylisoleucylglutamyyylglutaminylhistidylasparaginylisoleucylglutamylprolyglutamyllysylmethionylleucylalanylalanylleucyllysylvalylphenylalabylvalylglutaminlylprolylmethionyllysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine - "Scientific name for Trypthophan synthetase (that is a protien with 267 amino acids) (1 909 letters)

** - deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) is alleged to have 207 000 letters, but has never been printed in full.

Divorced Barbie

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales assistant, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the window?"

The sales assistant answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have: Work OutBarbie for £10.95, Shopping Barbie for £10.95, Beach Barbie for £10.95,Disco Barbie for £10.95, Ballerina Barbie for £10.95, Astronaut Barbie for£10.95, Skater Barbie for £10.95, and Divorced Barbie for £195.95."

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie £195.95 and the others only £10.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir...,Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat,Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and .............one of Ken's Friends ."

Little Nancy

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up," and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your f***ing cat."

Anniversary

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.

However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash.

After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her guilt and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in.

But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess that after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the number of years we've been together."

They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later, Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

Pay attention

"Are You Paying Attention?"

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.

He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them.
After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."

Great joke -- Sardar with brain !

>>SARDAR WITH BRAIN

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.

Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."

This gets the sardar's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardar doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.

"Okay", says the American, "Your turn." So the Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American thinks about it. No answer. Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer! He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers. Checks the input. All to no avail! Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500. The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep. The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardar and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5 and goes back to sleep!

Jokes !!!

Hi friends

You will love these jokes... I have compiled these from emails of friends.....
Happy reading! (:))

Just came across a interesting joke about Newton and Mithun.....
Here it goes:
Recently the father of physics made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Indian movies and had his head spinning.He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done. In the movie of Mithun Chakravarthy Newton dada was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:
1) Mithunda has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors, can't be cured and his death is imminent.In one of the fights, Our great Mithunda is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured.Long Live Mithunda
2) In one of the movies, Mithunda is confronted with 2 gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does.......
He holds a knife in his hand and shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda utters the following dialogue
"Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa".
3) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does.Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....
4) The heroine is tied to an electric chair and the remote is in the hands of the villain about 100 km away.As usual, the villain confronts the hero saying
"Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari mehbooba ko mar doonga".
The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the villain dies but not before he presses than damn button. Now what to do?
Sure enough, there is a horse and the hero jumps on it. Now there is a race:The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desparately trying to catch up.... goes on for a few km and just as the current would hit the chair,the hero jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chain and husssshhhh.She is saved. The poor electric current only goes to an empty chair.
Climax,taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!
This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely pissed off and he decided to go back.But he happened to see a Rajnikanth movie for one last time and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics.
The whole movies goes fine and newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so fast.The climax finally arrives. Rajni gets to know that the villian is on the the other side of a very highwall.So high that Rajni can't jump even if he tries likeone of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use.Rajni has to desparately kill the villian because its the climax. Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible.Rajni suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket(Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall ,he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun.Now the first gun fires off and the villian is dead...............
Newton faints